Drumming a Heartbeat

Ari has had an uncanny love for drums since I can remember.  He was always drawn to a bass beat and has a great ear for music and I'm not saying that because I'm his mother.  He's always just naturally led himself in that direction.

He got his first drum set at the age of 2.  Having no actual drum experience Rob and I decided to just let him bang out what he wanted too.  What he did instead was listen to the DVD Animusic and adapt his playing to the songs performed on the DVD.  He would mimic the song by ear with surprising precision.

2 child drum sets and 4 years later I took it  upon myself to research where to send him to really learn how to play.  I knew he'd hear a song and mimic the sounds.  I knew he loved to play the drums.  I just had no idea how to help him progress from that.  After research, I found Pete at The Drum Den in Hoboken and decided to bring him in for a potential class.  It took 4 months to finally get there.  Pete Martinez clearly loves drums as any bio on his history will reflect.  What's more is that he was amazingly patient, reassuring and truly wants his students to succeed.  A week into drum class Ari got his first set of full sized drums that we bought off of craigslist. That was the last week of September 2012.

Sunday, February 24th, Ari performed at the first ever Drum Den Recital.  4 moths after he first started his lessons.  I hate to admit how much of a sap I became but I cried at his performance.  Having no skill at any musical instrument I love seeing how much he truly loves playing the drums.  I am incredibly proud of him.

It's not enough. Thoughts in the silence.

5:46 am.  I should be doing a myriad of things.  Like exercizing or ironing the kids uniforms or ironing my own clothes for work.  Instead I sit here overwhelmed.

Life is moving too fast for me lately.  My days breeze by with obligations and necessities.  Sundays seem to be the only days that move at a pace that affords what I'd idealy like my life to look like. And even then, it's also full of the 'must clean, must to laundry, must must must stuff'  Monday - Saturday though are a lesson in trying hard to pull together some sort of personal quality time through the eye of a needle.  Some days I succeed.  Most days I don't.

It's quiet in my house.  I absolutely LOVE this.  The stillness as everyone sleeps.  The darkness around me.  Early morning is without a doubt my FAVORITE time of the day.  If I wasn't so pressed for time I'd  make myself coffee (Dianne style - cafe con leche spanish style - espresso shot in a large cup of hot milk w/ 2 sugars) but I don't have time for that :( People laugh when they hear I generally wake up between 4 and 5am thinking I'm totally insane.  Especially since the majority of those days I'm not doing it to jump on a treadmill or hit a gym.  I do laundry at times.  Iron at others.  But most times I just sit in silence.  Quietly drinking in the lack of sounds.  It's my own personal mind centering.  I absolutely adore this time.

Like I said, life is very full now.  Nothing wrong with that but it doesn't afford the time to really sit and enjoy your surroundings.  I used to sit at a distance and watch the kids play.  You know that recommendation they tell brides on their wedding day - to sit back at times and take a mental picture because that's what you will remember most.  I try to do that daily.  It's hard to do when your multitasking throughout.  Work is busy and takes up the majority of my day.  By the time I get home I have barely 4 hours to spend w/ the kids and they are shared w/ homework, dinner, bath time, bedtime stories, etc.  In reality if I get more then 1/2 hour of real one on one time its a miracle.  And I have 2 of them so 15 minutes each?

It's not enough.

And in that process i've obliterated time w/ Rob completely.  He tells me sometimes - why are you awake?  When he comes home from a wedding or party at 1am.  I tell him I'm wired.  And that's only partially right.  Most times its because I'm both enjoying the silence (this is big for me if you haven't noticed yet) and waiting to spend that little bit of time w/ him beforoe falling asleep.
I can't believe next week is November.  Time is slipping by way to fast.

ENJOY NOW

I did not come to terms with the fact that I'm OK where I am until recently. I always thought I was meant for more and would feel badly that I haven't conquered the world. But not everyone needs to conquer the world and nobody said I couldn't decide to do it 10 or even 20 years from now. I decided I'd do what I needed to do to live comfortably and truly LIVE life providing enough time to enjoy those around me, my kids and so many things that are so fleeting and so important so that when I grow older I don't regret that part of my life. I can always pursue more education, start a business, attempt to become a mogul, etc. later. These moments right now - especially w/ my kids - will never come again.