Homework for parents

Ari comes home weekly with small home tasks to do. Rob and I call them homework but that’s not really the right thing to call them. They are requests to decorate pieces of paper in the shape or theme of the week. Putting together the things of interest to Ari, letting him run squiggle lines of crayon around. Activities where we get to sit with him and do something together.

I will admit to not being so diligent when it comes to this. I sometimes feel as if I’ve lost the capacity of having unbridled fun doing things without direction. Have I grown up so much that now I have issue just letting go of the way you’re supposed to be and the obligations that life dictates to you? Have I lost the ability to go along and not think, but rather just do because you can? Why do I look at these projects that should be great together time and much fun like another task that I just don’t feel like doing? And the answer is simple. I’m tired. After a long day, I want to really relax, but being a parent doesn’t come with that luxury. And my negative attitude is at times selfish and certainly of no benefit to my children. So, I’m striving to better appreciate those times. To not look at them as work because my apathy towards it, I’m sure, is visible to Ari. Rob is far more game to these kinds of activities. But he is not without his faults. He can’t get over the need to keep everything clean and organized. It should come as no surprise for those of you who know him that he favors a very ‘stay with the lines’ kind of mentality. So the use of glues and paints, glitter, sand and crayons are on a limited basis because of the ‘mess factor’

In essence we both have to learn to let go of our preconceived notions of what should and should not be done and allow our kids the liberty to explore on their own. I’ve decided that I have to make a concerted effort to provide some of this creative time for both Nilsa and Ari and simultaneously let go of our trying to ‘figure out’ the meaning of everything, correcting the way things should be done and putting too much thought into the simplest of tasks.

Case in point, we received homework the other day. For their Valentine’s Day celebration, we as parents we asked to decorate a paper heart to give to our children. On it was printed the simple phrase
We love Arias because ________________
I sat in the kitchen once the kids were asleep and stared at that piece of paper. I stared at it for 10 minutes. I wondered throughout what the RIGHT statement would be. What the correct answer to the blank is. I took it, walked into the living room and announced that not only was I having writer’s block, but I feel as if I’m failing miserably as a parent for not being able to write one sentence. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t know what to write. I could write novels on every little bit of Ari and why it is that I love every last quirk and piece of him. My problem was not expressing the sentiment. It was expressing it in the limitations of one sentence and in a way that he would understand it. I didn’t want to let Ari down.

Now, I know you are all reading this and saying, Dianne you are insane! Why are you putting so much thought into a simple sentence? And you know what? I am insane. And I have no idea why the whole thing got to be from a ‘fun’ activity to a overwhelmingly and miserable project. But it did. And so after writing down something I found trivial and a cop out, I was exhausted. Rob in turn proceeded to the decorating with use of pictures and clip art he methodially resized and printed then cut and clued. The end result was absolutely beautiful. But evoked the sense of meticulousness that is my husband. It was wonderful - but clearly over-thought. And this is a PRIME example on why we need to start letting go of our own expectations and moving to JUST being. And the best way to do it is by not making the entire thing a task to be completed.WE have to bring fun back into life. Hopefully, you’ll be seeing more of us/me embracing this ideaology in the coming weeks.