Where the hell have you been??

I've not written much. You may have noticed that. I’ve not been very post friendly lately. Too tired to string together thoughts cohesively and many other things to put effort in that journaling gets lost in the mix. Plus life as I know it is just life. Nothing extraordinarily exciting is happening. Not that it’s boring, and not that I’m not doing such fabulous things as meeting up with friends, going to a Blogging Conference for woman called Blogher, immersing myself in making my home what I visualize to be my dream or spending oodles of quality time with my kidlets and Rob. It’s just as I told someone yesterday, the whole ‘recap your life’ thing isn’t what I’m about anymore and the absolute fun and amazing times I have seem to be so personal and so filled with glee in the very simple nature of it all that to attempt to reconstruct it in this journal would do it a disservice. It is something I lived, enjoyed and will remember fondly that just doesn’t translate well anywhere outside my own heart and head.

Honestly, a lot has changed in the past few months in me without much explanation. I posted this fairly recently on my facebook profile.

Quote:
its official. I'm taking a modest step back from my overloaded schedule. I have run myself at full speed for long enough and I think its about time I enjoy my life, my children and all that the work I've done so far has created.

I'm very proud of that statement. I feel so departed from the person I was at the beginning of the year. I can't quite understand HOW I got to where I am but I gotta say I'm almost happy with it. ALMOST. But I'm not dwelling on a perfect happiness. I'm living in the moment and at the moment, things are pretty darn close to perfect. And as much as my little goobers annoy me from time to time, its their role as children to do so, and in so I actually am trying to enjoy even the most annoying of circumstances. So, a long pictorial of the past few months...

The various degrees of “busy” in my life.

I don’t want to be more efficient. I want to be more effective.

I've spent the better part of the last year trying to solve the puzzle of balance. How do I balance my life. How do I manage 2 kids, a husband, a home business, and a full time job? Where will I have time for each of these? Where will I find time for myself?

I've blogged on occasion, yet I felt disconnected. I didn't feel that pull that I've generally felt to divulge every intimate detail of my life. I convinced myself that I should privatize my life, to really center myself on my household and my family. I found happiness within it. The smiles of my kids, their hugs. The time I spent with them. I took time out for them. For Rob. I ignored everything else. It seemed to be working. I was happy. But one can't ignore everything. And as it seems it caught up to me. Shouting at me the reality that you have to still pay attention to everything around you. The blissful stage was short lived.

It got busy. I struggled to juggle the tasks at hand. Struggled to figure out what I should be paying attention to more. Came to a point and decreed that there is no such thing as work-life balance. Cried. Whined. Nagged. Pouted. Screamed.

Then i decided I couldn't take it anymore. And I decided that what I needed to do was to improve my life by organizing and streamlining it. I had spent week after week, month after month doing tasks, running errands, completing assignments, and moving at warp speed. So it stands to reason that if I were more organized, used my calendar more efficiently, maintained my contact lists consistently, planned better, stayed on top of my email, scheduled time for the kidlets with more commitment, etc. life would be good.

Wrong.

Week after week and month after month I couldn't figure out why my ideas dissipated and my life still felt flat. Creating balance in all areas of your life is not achieved by managing time better, or checking off items on ever expanding to do lists. Balance is a dynamic state of being that you can achieve by doing what you’ve been meaning to do all your adult life.

So, much like the character in the movie Office Space, I felt it was time to really think about me. Leave this cult of busyness and determine what was *really* important to me. my latest alliteration is to work towards doing something that makes me happier, so I can bring that happiness home. It is a lot easier to smile for the family when your day doesn’t suck. Am I any less busier. NO. Any less miserable? Nope. Any less busy? Hell no. But I'm working on laying out a plan. A VERY SIMPLE ONE. Screw intricate plans and dedicated strategies. I don’t want to be more efficient. I want to be more effective. I want to enjoy the time I have, even if its in this miserable f/t job I have. There are various degrees of busy in my life and I like being busy. But there's also the right to be lazy. I need to adopt that too.

It's time to take the reigns and do things that bring happiness. Honor my values. Look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

Stage one. Welcome to the return of me. I need to indulge myself some again. I need to crack whips. I seem to be at my best when I'm being a wee bit on the self indulgent side. I feel better and I think that will trickle down to other areas in my life that need the smile and self assurance I can share more then anyone else.

New photos of the kids and Rob and the vacation to come this week. But for now I leave you with some (courtesy of Kathy)

Have I really gone a month without posting?

I feel terrible not having come in here and updated you all on everything. Summer is coming to a close and Ari starts pre-pre-pre-school in 2 weeks. I'm totally excited about this! So what have I missed out in telling you all? We did a small get away with the kidlets to the #1 drivable family vacation spot. Ocean City, NJ. Totally perfect albeit quick getaway.

Nilsa turns 11 months old in 2 days. I'm in the throws of party preparation so watch your mailboxes for the invitation to her soirée. My baby turns ONE. She is toddling around and takes maybe one or 2 steps before completely losing her balance. I'm sure she'd be walking if not for very small feet/very big booty syndrome. LOL. She's a total doll and she has started playing WITH Ari or better said, Ari allows her to play with him when he feels like it. So that's my quick post. Onto the mini vacation details...

Ocean City Getaway in Pictures
Absolutely LOVELY trip. Short but we have made the decision to come back for a week or maybe more next year. Ride down was uneventful as the kids slept.

We stopped quickly for a bite to eat on the Atlantic City boardwalk

and while Rob ran around the exhibit floor of the DJ convention and got some inspiration for our company there, Ari, Nilsa and I walked the boardwalk.

Following that we headed to Ocean City. Hands down, a PERFECT family destination. No riff raff. No alcohol. No high rises. Just boardwalk, beach and games. Relaxation. Evening into night was spend walking around town and on the boardwalk.

Ari liked the kites

Wednesday we spent the morning into the afternoon at the beach. A feat in itself as Rob is NOT a fan of sand. If he had the option he'd be in the ocean swimming. I on the other hand HATE the water and love the beach. So he spent most of the time with Ari and a little girl who sat by us name Isabel playing in the sand and Nilsa just fell in and out of sleep.

After getting back to the room and cleaning off as much sand as possible. We headed to eat and then to the boardwalk. This time to play games and ride rides

You know Rob loves his kid when he is SOOO excited to get on the NASCAR ride but isn't tall enough so Rob squeezed himself into the ride with him.

And again. Not tall enough so I rode the train with him.

Then we found some rides he could ride alone.

And then I rode a roller coaster ride with him which he was excited about until we were on it and then he did NOT like it

So back to the safe rides

And then game playing

Nilsa woke up earliest the next morning. But both days the kids slept the night through. Rob with Ari and Me with Nilsa.

A happy girl waking up

She was so loud she woke up Ari

So we packed up, checked out and hit the boardwalk one last time. We would have loved to go to the beach again but OH WELL.

Ever see a kid say no to ice cream? In his defense he didn't like that it was blue

Watching the baby parade. As you can see Nilsa was not a happy camper. She fell asleep shortly after

So we did what we did best - play video games. I can't wait till they're older to play with them. We are such a video game family.

Ari didn't quite get that you needed to roll skeeball. He wanted to throw and then when his throws weren't going far enough, he walked up the thing.

And that's all folks. Wish I was still there...