The various degrees of “busy” in my life.

I don’t want to be more efficient. I want to be more effective.

I've spent the better part of the last year trying to solve the puzzle of balance. How do I balance my life. How do I manage 2 kids, a husband, a home business, and a full time job? Where will I have time for each of these? Where will I find time for myself?

I've blogged on occasion, yet I felt disconnected. I didn't feel that pull that I've generally felt to divulge every intimate detail of my life. I convinced myself that I should privatize my life, to really center myself on my household and my family. I found happiness within it. The smiles of my kids, their hugs. The time I spent with them. I took time out for them. For Rob. I ignored everything else. It seemed to be working. I was happy. But one can't ignore everything. And as it seems it caught up to me. Shouting at me the reality that you have to still pay attention to everything around you. The blissful stage was short lived.

It got busy. I struggled to juggle the tasks at hand. Struggled to figure out what I should be paying attention to more. Came to a point and decreed that there is no such thing as work-life balance. Cried. Whined. Nagged. Pouted. Screamed.

Then i decided I couldn't take it anymore. And I decided that what I needed to do was to improve my life by organizing and streamlining it. I had spent week after week, month after month doing tasks, running errands, completing assignments, and moving at warp speed. So it stands to reason that if I were more organized, used my calendar more efficiently, maintained my contact lists consistently, planned better, stayed on top of my email, scheduled time for the kidlets with more commitment, etc. life would be good.

Wrong.

Week after week and month after month I couldn't figure out why my ideas dissipated and my life still felt flat. Creating balance in all areas of your life is not achieved by managing time better, or checking off items on ever expanding to do lists. Balance is a dynamic state of being that you can achieve by doing what you’ve been meaning to do all your adult life.

So, much like the character in the movie Office Space, I felt it was time to really think about me. Leave this cult of busyness and determine what was *really* important to me. my latest alliteration is to work towards doing something that makes me happier, so I can bring that happiness home. It is a lot easier to smile for the family when your day doesn’t suck. Am I any less busier. NO. Any less miserable? Nope. Any less busy? Hell no. But I'm working on laying out a plan. A VERY SIMPLE ONE. Screw intricate plans and dedicated strategies. I don’t want to be more efficient. I want to be more effective. I want to enjoy the time I have, even if its in this miserable f/t job I have. There are various degrees of busy in my life and I like being busy. But there's also the right to be lazy. I need to adopt that too.

It's time to take the reigns and do things that bring happiness. Honor my values. Look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

Stage one. Welcome to the return of me. I need to indulge myself some again. I need to crack whips. I seem to be at my best when I'm being a wee bit on the self indulgent side. I feel better and I think that will trickle down to other areas in my life that need the smile and self assurance I can share more then anyone else.

New photos of the kids and Rob and the vacation to come this week. But for now I leave you with some (courtesy of Kathy)