A trip to the emergency room

Yes, an Emergency Room visit. Ari's first.

10 stitches on a gash in his head from tripping and crashing into the damn corner of the wall. Mess would not begin to encapsulate the state I was in. I couldn't even bear to see him with a band aid on his head let alone soothe him while his stitches were being put in. Thank God for Rob

I win the bad mommy of the year award for not having any idea how to react and then being such a total and complete mess that I was no help. (Rob asked me for a wet napkin and I actually answered What's a napkin?) Oh and lets not forget that the wound occurred on my watch. I tell you - if I could feel any worse...

I still feel terrible. I know that such is life and that I cannot protect him from everything but, god I cannot even begin to tell you how bad I feel. I must have looked tired, troubled and in disarray at dinner for Rob told me “go to bed, it’s been a long day and sleep would do you well.” And even then I cried (that horrid guttural cry where you hiccup between sobs) in bed before falling asleep. I’m haunted by the dark red blood pouring down over his eyes. The look of sheer terror on his face. A look and a feeling I would much like to never have him have to be touched with again. Just writing that down makes my eyes water again.

I’ve never been an over-nervous mother and I’m also scared this will make me overbearing. I worry as he walks away from me now that he will fall and hurt himself again. He was running back in forth in the kitchen again yesterday evening and he tripped and I swear my heart stopped beating in that very instant. And it was nothing. Just a fumble he picked himself up from and giggled away again. But I was totally enveloped in fear again and a huge knot was lodged in my throat.

The cut is on his beautiful smooth little forehead. Right over his left eye below his hairline and above his eyebrow. I joke that he will now have his own Harry Potter scar. A big ole bandage currently covers the area. Well most of his head really. He hasn’t tugged on it thankfully. And he slept through the night and woke up in very good spirits so I’m sure he isn’t bothered much about it.

I have to say though that I am truly blessed with an absolutely amazing husband who is without a doubt a great father. He took over when I couldn’t. I always thought I’d be strong enough to manage these things – and maybe in future events I would be but yesterday I wasn’t strong enough to hold myself together. Rob held Ari in the backseat of the car (no car seat either) and managed to soothe him to a muffled sob. As he held him and applied pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding. I drove. And I can tell you all that I drove, hands shaking and particularly aware that I needed to really concentrate because I was such a bundle of nerves that I was more likely to screw something up (like smash into the car ahead of me) Rob’s soothing voice to Ari helped me calm down to drive. But a block or two away from the hospital Rob asked me to ‘hurry up’ I checked to see what was wrong but it wasn’t Ari. White as a sheet, Rob was getting queasy. Rob and blood and needles and such do not do well. And I got to the hospital, took Ari and left Rob in the car to breathe.

That was the only time he struggled. He stayed strong throughout the rest of the while. Calming Ari. While he was readying himself outside he called his sister and got her to come, pick up the house keys and pick some stuff up from the house as well as put the perishable groceries into the fridge/freezer. While we waited Rob’s dad showed up. Ari spotted him and in a muffled cry called out to ‘ab-weh’ which would be his attempt at saying Abuelo. Under any other circumstance, the entire thing would be comical. I was a mess and the two men; both named Robert and who both do terrible in emergency situations with blood and such were the ones in control. Go figure. Backwards world it was. During that time, Ari fell asleep. Sheer exhaustion compounded by the fact that it was past naptime. I could only focus on the fact that he had not even had lunch yet.

They woke him (obviously) when it was time for the stitches. By that time Lennette had arrived and I hid behind her crying steadily as Rob stayed alongside Ari. They had to strap him into some Velcro contraption to keep him from kicking and flailing. He cried. Hysterically. 2 nurses held his face straight while Rob soothed him without looking directly at what was going on (needles and such – he would have fainted.) Lennette was ready to take over should she note Rob anywhere close to losing it-but no. Throughout the whole process he rubbed Ari’s tummy and reassured him. “It’s ok papa. You’re doing good” And it broke my heart to hear Ari repeatedly ask for “Dah-dee” But thankfully it was quick. His stitches were covered by a bandage and we left shortly thereafter.

He was in good spirits. Even arriving from the hospital. Smiles and giggles. That’s when I posted and shortly thereafter Rob’s parents came over. They took Ari for a walk to the playground and onto the swings which I was so beyond thankful for because it gave me the opportunity to decompress. I didn’t even realize how tense I was until then. When they came back and we put Ari down for a nap.

When he woke up he was a bit freaked out. Very clingy so we went outside to see Rob do whatever he was doing in the backyard and Rob’s sister and niece came over. Olivia was so worried about Ari as when they picked up the keys she was in the car and saw me crying and Le told me she started crying when they left the hospital because she thought something terrible happened to Ari. So they decided they wanted to take Ari for a walk and did so in the stroller. I called my mom then. She yelled at me for not calling sooner and simultaneously thanked me for it too. She’s a panicker and had I called her sooner SHE would have been just as much a mess as I was which wouldn’t have helped. Doc said stitches come out in 6 days and I already have an app’t with my pediatrician for it on Friday.

My poor pookah head.

In other news…18.5 week pictures (I’ll be 19 weeks tomorrow.)