Disconnected

*warning - brain dump post*

I'm feeling disconnected. An odd feeling. Its like I can't balance myself in much of anything. Conversations are awkward. There's a detachment - a sort of barrier between me and my relationships. It's like I'm trying too hard and yet not trying at all. It's hard to explain.

And in these times of disconnect a sense of sadness comes over me. A need to be enveloped in a warm blanket. A desire to feel a sense of peace and calm that can only come from an exterior circumstance. I don't know what it is I want. I just know that there should be a way to get to it. I'm not sure what to ask for a hug, a vacation, to be babied, to get more attention, or to be left alone.

It's just one of those days. I'm sure the rain and the fact that its Monday doesn't help. Dumping this thought stream here so I can get it out of my head. I'm sad and angry inside and I don't want to take it out on anyone - so I'll just leave it to fester here on my blog. and out of my head.