Many of you know that I met a lovely group of ladies from many different parts of the US (and Canada) on an online wedding group when I was getting married. Believe it or not, I still keep in touch with them. I've known some of them for 5 years now and I have met many of them personally in both trips out and thier trips into the NYC area. I am grateful to know them all.
Last week, one of my 'online friends' who only lives over the hudson in NY, decided that she would like to throw me what is called a Blessingway. A traditional Native American custom, blessingways center around the pregnant woman and her upcoming rite of passage into motherhood. This ritual doesn't include playing games and giving gifts for the baby. The idea behind the blessingway is to surround the mom-to-be with support and encouragement as she counts her days down to the birth.
I was able to invite a select few friends to this, among them an eclectic group of my online world, my New York friends and my New Jersey friends. I knew not what to expect of it - but am grateful for the experience.Blessingways are woman-centered celebrations. The emphasis in a Blessingway ceremony is on heralding the expectant mother - her strength, her beauty, her dignity, her womanhood, her divine procreative powers, her metamorphosis as she goes through the creative process of bringing new life into this world.....Blessingway ceremonies can be religious or secular, multicultural or specific to the honoree's heritage, newly created or ancient, simple or elaborate, tightly structured or open to improvisation. The common thread among Blessingways is the use of ritual to celebrate the mother-to-be, to acknowledge the momentous impact of bringing a new baby into her family, and to support her through this transition.
Blessingways, A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers
Shari Maser, CCE
Where do I begin to discuss the amazing time I had last night? How to start to explain both the amazing energy I felt and the utter joy I continue to feel? Blessingway is really an appropriate word for this. Truly magical.I cannot begin to explain to you how nervous I was arriving to the Café. This place – by the way – was phenomenal. Let me start by telling you about Caffé Torino and its atmosphere. First some rather interesting tidbits about the place…
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Not only does this place have history, but the food is PHENOMENAL. The food is really quite scrumptious, the place is low lit and well, the music... Now you all know how I feel about music. And the music played in the background was the kind of down tempo house I love to just chill to. LOVE. So walking down 7th avenue from 14th street, I was an absolute bundle of nerves. Ridiculously nervous. I had missed a call on the subway (Carol) so I called her and told her I was down the street and would be there shortly. Without nausea but with this irreverent ‘nervous energy’ I came upon the location. My nerves hit a peak here. I worried that this conclave of woman, both very much a part of my life and very much from different parts of my lives would not work. I seriously feared how different these people were and how they would view each other. As eclectic as my tastes are in clothes and such, I find that my friends and all those I love are just as eclectic and my panic button hit. How could I insure that these ladies would like each other as much as I love each of them? How can I ensure that they all enjoyed themselves. The blessingway, yes, was ‘all about me’ but my worry was not in my enjoyment, but the successful enjoyment of everyone else. I briefly thought of what would be the best way to introduce everyone, and worried that they wouldn’t mingle and such. I worried. Needlessly. But I did.A Little Bit of History...Did you know that:
The author of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" got his inspiration for the title from an inscription on our men's bathroom mirror.
Serpico had his first secret meeting with police here to fight corruption.
Diana Ross' very first live show was downstairs.
10th street (which has an amazing history in itself)is a beautiful street. So classic of the village. Brownstones smile down at you from their tree lined prominence. In the dusk that is the almost 6pm hour as the sun shines over the tops of trees, the calmness of the street did not mirror my absolute glee and excitement. A mix of anticipation and nervousness. A conflicting combination of fear and joy. I climbed the narrow brownstone stairs and enter the caffé. 
Illuminated with low lights and funky warm colors. The smells and the sounds enveloped me so that I felt far more calm then I was, I took a deep breath and turned away from the eclectic seating area in the front. I see my friends at the bar…
I know not who to hug first or what to do. I’m utterly in a state of confusion and nervousness. I greet but fail to introduce everyone seeing that it would probably be more appropriate to do so when everyone is around. I ask for Kiani, who I am told is downstairs ‘prepping’ Yelling down the stairs she tells me to come down and bring everyone with me.
The downstairs room is just as dimly lit and ambiance driven as the first floor. Candles illuminate different tables.A single candle marks the center of the floor pulling the energy from the North, the South, the East and the West. My nerves are at a peak and I hear myself talking entirely too quickly and in tangents. I know not how to control myself, or what the best way to go about things is. I stumble through my introductions of everyone in the room. An eclectic intimate bunch…
Kimmey – Online Friend
Kiani – Online Friend
Damaris – NY Friend I met at the National Puerto Rican Day Parade Pageant
Ivette – Damaris’ best friend, an absolute doll and I dj’d her wedding in May
Carol – NY Friend I met freshman year of H.S. who is also part of my online world
Susan – NJ Friend
Layne – Online Friend and Kiani’s sister
Kiani introduced our bunch (after getting our ‘drinks’ which I feel helped relax the energy in the room for the others.) to her purpose. She explained how she had found this odd calling in her life and how she has learned to embrace it. Kiani, for those of you who do not know her, radiates a light and positive energy. She truly does have this purity of the soul in her. There’s no way to even begin to describe it. Just meeting her makes you aware that she is pure of heart and that her soul is clear. She introduced the different sections of the room, and the meanings behind them. There was a lovely table of teas and cups laid out, another table highlighting the jewels and henna making materials and a third table for the tarot readings. We stood around the bejeweled table as Kiani introduced the reasoning for them. Each invitee was to clear their mind and then a bindi jewel would be placed centered in their forehead, to cover their third eye.
I received my bindi and I also received eyebrow gems which would be applied by each person as they would give me their own personal blessing.
It is then that I noticed the color of the walls. Orange. NakedJen was channeled, for the color of the soul is orange. I felt blessed. Wonderfully blessed.
The personal blessing was the most emotional part of this entire event. Just thinking of it brings my eyes to an infusion of tears. Its amazing how one never does really understand the kind of impact they give other people or the kind of impact other people give them. Before beginning this, and what really started to draw the kind of emotion that I continued feeling, Kiani invited us all to raise our hands and observe them. She reminded us that our hands help us, they taught us to move with our first crawl, they supply us with our needs…she said so many beautiful things about hands and asked us to reflect on them (goodness, I’m struggling not to cry as I type this.) Why was this so impactful? Well, without knowing it, Kiani touched on something I have found very powerful in my life. I always complain that my hands and feet are ‘ugly.’ Especially my feet. But my hands, as ugly as they are hold a certain beauty in that I have my mother’s hands. The bone structure, the texture of the skin, the thin and wrangled fingers. I look at my hands and I cannot help but think of my mother. As Kiani spoke about how your hands ‘work’ I thought of my mom, of how, although her hands are older, more wrinkled and worn with all the work she does do as they are how she makes her living, with all that, they continue to be unbelievably soft. My hands are her hands and whenever I need strength I pull it from my hands, for that is my connection to my mother. I love a picture from my wedding where you cannot see either one of us. The picture is of our hands…
With that she invited everyone to bless me. As her post stated, each person faced me with palms pressed flat against each other and would fill in the following sentence…
Dianne, when I think of you, I think of …How impactful this statement is, is unconceivable. There is no way to truly explain both the pressure of the hands, the energy drawn from them and the absolute joy and love represented in the statements, simple or complicated, deep or jovial. Each had their own personality, each statement reflected something different, each made me realize that the phrase “No Man is an Island” is so unbelievably true. It was truly a highlight to look at each person there through my tear engulfed eyes, to overcome this odd modesty and to hear things that I choose to roll away from. To struggle to breathe and to laugh while I hiccup and cry. Happiness is being you and having people know who you are and how you are and what you are but happiness is seeing how others see you – how others perceive the person you are and how magnificent it truly can be.
Yesterday I was Dianne, yes, but I was ambition, I was inspiration, I was laughter, I was strength, I was acceptance, I was take no mercy, I was big mouthed and vocal, I was not afraid, I was strong, I was organized, I was wild, I was vain, I was beautiful and in all of this, I was still me and I was a bundle of emotion. It was truly magical. After each ‘blessing’ an eyebrow jewel was applied by the individual. The ongoing joke there was to make sure they were all even or at least evenly crooked. So alongside all these wonderful things, I guess I’m a bit anal too huh? Upon the completion of the blessing, I asked Susan to add an eyebrow jewel in Kathy (anther ‘real’ life friend that couldn’t make it, and then I asked Angela to add a jewel for Lynn (LJT’er) for me.
Following that, it was time to ‘expose the belly’ so I took off my shirt and with my skirt and a cropped tank, I walked around exposed belly and all. Was told, over and over, how cute and small I was. Kiani placed the Henna Hand stencil on my tummy.
And then she applied the henna paste over it. I have never had henna done and Kiani never did Henna either so it was an adventure for both of us. Our adventure didn’t really work out. After dinner we removed it to find that it didn’t ‘tint’ my skin nearly enough to be visible. I can see it but the design coloring is too close to my actual skin tone and so it really doesn’t show all that much. I think if I had paler skin, it would probably have worked better. I also had a bindi decorate atop my navel. It was cute.
We ordered dinner (and god what an awesome meal,) sat, ate, talked. I was happy to see all the people there talk with one another, interact and mingle. My worry that they would frame away to their individual groups or become clicky didn’t happen. I mean every now and again the sway was there, but overall it was good. My excitement never dwindled, but my nervousness did.
Kiani started the tarot readings soon after. We all talked as each person took their turn with her. My reading was Unbelievable. I mean absolutely the epitome of absolute perfection. I’ve always been afraid of getting my cards read or going to a psychic. I always worry that something horrible will happen. I was truly surprised to see my cards in such a positive light – to see the light of love, the reflection of my constant and un-necessitated worry and the goodness that I can anticipate. If I was giddy before, I was certainly thrilled now. And Kiani is so leveled when it comes to her readings, she will be wonderful at her craft as she continues to learn it. She truly has a very wonderful presence of self and clean aura. And she kept feeling my ‘nervous energy’
Angela served me my MaterniTEA while we were wrapping up my reading. OMG – it was fabulous too. And then – this absolutely scrumptious and gorgeous Citranella chocolate cake came out. OH MY GOD – positively to DIE for. Truly, before we knew it, it was bordering 10:30pm. I had an absolutely wonderful time and it was time for everyone to go.
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