I've been busy. Things have been a combination of absolute bliss and general chaos sprinkled with some
disconcerting uncertainty and a soulful need to change things. I've been saying for a while to myself that I need to post a '
somethings gotta give post.' This is not it. There are great loves in my life - my family and the colorblind business. Then there is the rest of everything else - the necessary evils in life that is keeping me from fully immersing myself in the joys of my absolute loves. I want so badly to be able to let loose and pursue my dreams. The question of HOW to do it still remains unanswered.
In the interim things are full. Full of laughter, full of love, full of hugs and kisses and I love yous. They quell my sorrows, bring joy to my life and give me the strength to move forward and work at finding a way to have them around more often. This picture best embodies me at the moment. It is where I want to be. Although I hate that Ari is crying (he was overtired and in dire need of sleep) it shows what my role needs to be. Where I need to be. Where happiness lies.
I'll get there. And hopefully soon.
6 comments:
And in REALLY AWESOME SHOES.
nice pic. What are your dreams?
Aren't those shoes darling? I'm wearing them right now and I have several just like them. They are so comfortable.
Gosh - my dreams. They're not unreachable or ridiculous. They are not the hopeful expectation of lottery winnings or riches. My dream is simple. COMFORT. I want to live life comfortably.
I want to wake up each morning and define my own day. I want to serve my kids breakfast and cook them dinner. I want to hug my husband spontaneously at any time of the day. I want to play with my family and let them play on their own. I want to stand in the sun and not longingly admire it through a window under florescent lighting. I want to lie in the grass because I can. I want to laugh. Loudly. I want to be able to answer my phone and make calls anytime of the day and talk to anyone because I want to. I want to go do the supermarket in the middle of the day midweek. I want to stand it the rain until I'm soaked to the bone. I want to iron. I want to work at things I love, and be busy doing things that mean something to me. I want to be busy. I want to profit from my skills, and my ability to perform at what I'm so fabulous at doing. I want to answer to myself. I want to NOT have to ask permission to sleep in, to leave early, to work late or to go on vacation.
Working full time like I am now doesn't afford me that. It steals away precious time. Time I won't have back. I resent that daily and that resentment grows and darkens me. So my dream would be to come home. To be embraced by my home business, by my husband and by my children. To be a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, a business manager, an accountant, a salesperson, and a little bit of everything. To know that what I do daily benefits me and my life and all around me. To not be bored. That is my dream.
It is reachable. But I need to wait. For now that is. Everyday that passes makes me yearn it more and fear the possibility that I won't get there. But I can't be negative. Right now, I have every ounce of me believing that I WILL get there and hopefully sooner then I even anticipate.
you will get there!
Undeniably you are one busy lady Diane! However, I commend you for having the fortitude to press on and be the kind of person you desire to be to Rob, your children and to yourself. It's important to have dreams and something to strive for or we just get lost in the daily chaos.
That picture speaks volumes. Ari KNOWS he can go to his Mommy to comfort him and Nilsa--well... look at the way she looks at you. They know you're there for them. Sometimes time seems like a scarce commodity. Obviously, you're making the time you do have with your family really count. The rest will fall into place. Keep dreamin'!
Jasmin
I will keep dreaming. I will also vent here until I can fulfill my life of 'comfortable happiness'
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